I Who Have Nothing
by KaydenceRei
Summary: “I can't take it anymore,” she admitted. “If you stopped thinking I was perfect, and stopped expecting so much from me, then maybe I wouldn't let you down so much!” Oneshot. Songfic. EO.


**Disclaimer**: These are not my characters. Not my song. But it's my story..

**Author's Note**: I think, this is by far one of the greatest songs ever, old school to the extreme here guys.

**Artist**: Shirley Bassey

**I Who Have Nothing**:

Olivia glanced around as she took a seat on an empty stool at the bar. She was there by herself. Her partner was back with his family again. So she was back to her usual routine. She'd sit by herself and try to figure out where she went wrong with him. Why she hadn't said something. But she knew why. Because in reality, she had never had anything. Never had anyone. What would have made her think she could have him?

She had no right, she realized. No right at all to have even thought that for a second. He was back to his wife the moment something reminded him of them. If they had been.. together.. would he still have gone? She really had no idea. But she'd never had luck with that type of thing before. Most guys saw something better then her, some girl who wasn't going to make them feel inferior, and jumped at it.

Truthfully. She may very well love Elliot. But who was she to know what love really was? Her kind of love didn't last more then a few nights in the sack.

A man sat down next to her, and she didn't pass a glance at him. The same routine she usually did this late. If he really wanted to talk to her, he'd have to do more then buy a drink for her and let the bartender tell her.

"Hiya."

She glanced over, hiding surprise with a wry smile. "Hiya back."

He smirked. "Good to see you again, Detective."

She merely shrugged. She hadn't expected to see Brian Cassidy again after he had left SVU. It certainly hadn't been the best terms that she'd left a guy with. "You too," she replied thoughtfully.

But Brian wasn't the one who she wanted to see. He wasn't the man she wanted to talk to, or share a drink with, or explain herself to. Elliot was that guy. Elliot was the only guy.

_I, I who have nothing  
I, I who have no one  
Adore you and want you so  
I'm just a no one, with nothing to give you but oh  
__I love you_

"Are you okay?" Brian asked finally. They had pretty much gone silent after saying it was good to see each other. And he admitted, Olivia looked good. But he knew better. Olivia wasn't interested, not in him.

Olivia looked up, debating on her answer to him. Instead she just smiled and then looked back into the depths of her drink. No, it wasn't an answer. But it was something. She was never one to admit when something was wrong.

Brian sighed and ordered his own drink, saying nothing else. But when Olivia's gaze traveled to the bar door, his did as well. And he saw what she was looking at. Stabler. Elliot Stabler had walked in. Though.. not alone. He'd brought his ex-wife. Or, he thought they'd gotten divorced. But it didn't look like it now. His gaze traveled back to Olivia.

Her gaze was intent on watching them enter, and take a seat. Her head forward. She wasn't even noticed by her partner, and she preferred it that way. The last time she talked to Kathy, the woman had asked her to get Elliot to sign the divorce papers. Now here she was, strolling in on his arm like it had never happened? She had to bite her tongue to keep back a comment that would have been uncalled for, and yet, in her mind, still worthy.

"It's him."

Olivia looked at Brian, only a questioning look in place.

"Stabler is the reason you're sitting here in this bar, staring into your drink like you just found out about the end of the world," Brian stated next. Though neither him nor Olivia had realized how loud it had been said.

The only thing Olivia could do was stare at him in silence, unsure of how to respond. But when she felt all eyes on her, she picked up the drink on the counter, looked Brian in the eye, then drank it all. After putting the glass back down, she simply stood up and walked back out the door.

Elliot was staring as well now. He'd never seen Olivia do something like that before. He was going to stand when Kathy's hand took his.

"You're not on the job, Elliot," she stated softly. "You don't need to go after her, I'm right here with you."

Elliot watched her for a moment, the jealousy that had instantaneously sparked into her eyes when she thought he was going after Olivia. He realized other things as well. Sure, Kathy had given him his children, his life before this moment, but did she really make him happy?

_You, you buy her __diamonds__  
Bright, sparkling diamonds  
But believe me, dear, when I say  
That she can give you the world  
But she'll never __love you__ the way  
I love you_

Olivia stopped by the window, watching Elliot as he took his seat again. She only looked for a moment, but it was everyone except for Elliot and Kathy who noticed that she had. She shook her head and simply walked away towards the park. She wasn't drunk enough to go home alone just yet. Not happy enough to talk to a stranger at a different bar. So she went by herself to the park.

Elliot could take Kathy wherever, so why did he have to choose to take her there of all places? She didn't have the right to be angry about it, of course not. But she had the right to be annoyed by his choices concerning his ex-wife. She'd kicked him to the curb because he couldn't be around. She'd admitted to Olivia herself that she was jealous of the relationship that herself and Elliot had together. But she'd never admit that Kathy may have had good reasoning. At least on Olivia's part.

She sighed.

What did she do now? Certainly not go back. That would look stupid. She glanced behind her when she heard footsteps. No one. Right.. what made her thing someone would come after her this time? She had nothing.. no one. She closed her eyes and shook her head, then moved to sit down on a bench.

She really was alone in this world, now that she was thinking about it. Maybe it was time for her to rethink her priorities. Because by making SVU her life, she had made her partner her life. No guy would accept that.. Hell. she could barely accept it herself. 

_You can take her any place she wants  
To fancy clubs and __restaurants__  
But I can only watch you with  
My nose pressed up against the window pane_

As she looked around, she felt more alone then ever. And she felt more as though she needed to make a choice on her life. Did she choose to be alone forever with a job that she wouldn't always have? Or did she choose to leave her life behind with the hopes of finding someone who didn't mind someone as messed up as she was? How did someone choose between those? Neither had any indefinite good or bad results.

"I know you, don't I?"

Olivia looked up. Definitely not someone she expected to see again. She was surprised, but it wasn't a bad surprise. "Harper.. Anderson," she finally remembered. "Yeah.. it's nice to see you again."

Harper tilted her head slightly. Was this really the same woman who had helped her our all those years before? She seemed so much different. Longer hair, a little more aged in the face, and she had a look of despair behind her facade. "You look different Detective Benson.."

"Olivia," she stated with a shrug. "It's been a while, I guess I do."

Harper shook her head. "No, no," she said, taking a seat beside Olivia. "I mean, you used to be a little more upbeat, you look pretty worn down."

That brought on a smile. "Still as bluntly honest as ever, aren't you Harper?"

"You betcha," Harper replied. "But that's the kind of weariness that grows after years, not just from a bad night," Harper added. "You seemed to be thinking pretty hard about something, I almost didn't want to interrupt you."

Olivia laughed some. "I guess I was," she admitted. "But it's fine," she said when she saw Harper looking guilty. "I love talking to people."

Harper smiled. "You always were a little too nice, so tell me what's eating at you Olivia," Harper suggested.

Olivia seemed genuinely confused by what Harper said.

"Oh come on, has no one ever asked you what's wrong before?" Harper asked sarcastically. The look that crossed Olivia's face as Harper saw it made her feel guilty again. Maybe Detective Benson didn't really have much in life. "Let me help you this time," she finally said.

Olivia glanced off into the distance where she could still see Elliot and Kathy through the window of the bar.

Harper looked as well. 

_I, I who have nothing  
I, I who have no one  
Must watch you, go dancing by  
Wrapped in the arms of somebody else  
Darling it is I_

"Oh.." Harper said thoughtfully. "Guy troubles.."

Olivia smiled a little at that.

"So tell me what it is that bothers you so much about him, isn't that your partner?" Harper asked in curiosity.

Olivia thought about it and sighed. "It's just.. maybe if he didn't expect so much from me, he wouldn't have to be let down by what I do."

"Think about this though," Harper said. She'd thought about what Olivia said. "He looked a lot happier standing next to you then he does sitting next to that woman right now," she pointed out.

Olivia glanced at Harper, some hope sparking in her eyes, and even allowing herself a girlish moment. "You think so?" she asked, and though her face showed a lifted weight, her voice was still neutral.

Harper nodded. "And now he's coming this way."

Olivia froze, then glanced over and indeed Harper was right. Elliot was coming towards them. Without Kathy.

"If you really think what you do, tell him, but I'll let you two work it out," Harper said with a smile before standing up. "Come and see me sometime, you changed my world, Olivia." She waved and walked away.

Olivia waved back and smiled, shaking her head while looking down. "And you just saved mine.." she whispered before Elliot finally reached her.

"You okay?" Elliot asked, taking a seat beside her.

'Now I am'.. she wanted to say. But it didn't come out. She was silent instead. 

Elliot frowned slightly. "Liv.." he said quietly. "Why can't you just talk to me? I can see what you're doing," he stated. "You're trying to hold in your problems and be strong."

Olivia turned her head and looked away. "I don't think I can keep working in SVU.." she finally said.

"What do you mean?" Elliot asked. "Why not?"

Olivia frowned. "Because I have nothing outside of my job anymore, Elliot," she finally admitted. "I need more then just my job.. I need security and I need stability.."

Elliot placed a hand on her shoulder. "But Liv, you don't need anyone," he said. "You're amazing and brilliant, you don't need a man to make your life complete," he told her.

_Who loves you_

Olivia shook her head. "I don't need a man," she repeated. "But I want someone.."

"You'll find someone," Elliot told her. "You won't have trouble with that, I mean look at you."

Olivia's eyebrow rose as she looked back at him. "Excuse me?" she questioned.

"I just mean," Elliot started. "That you're good looking, and you have a great personality," he explained. "Any man would be stupid not to take you."

"Guess that makes you stupid.." she mumbled out.

Elliot blinked. "What was that?" he asked her.

Olivia shook her head. "Nothing."

"You're perfect, Olivia- -"

Olivia cut him off. "Knock it off, Elliot," she stated. "Just stop saying those things."

Elliot seemed confused. "What are you talking about?" he asked, genuinely not understanding.

"I can't take it anymore," she admitted. "If you stopped thinking I was perfect, and stopped expecting so much from me, then maybe I wouldn't let you down so much!" she growled out before standing up and walking away from him.

Elliot understood now. He stood up as well and went after her, grabbing her arm and turning her around.

"What the hell are you- - -"

Her eyes widened. And she stood shocked even after Elliot pulled his lips off of hers.

"You'll never be able to let me down," Elliot stated with a smile, taking her hand in his.

Olivia's eyes softened, and saying nothing she simply intertwined her fingers with him and gave him a small smile.

**&&&&&&&&&&&&**

**Boy. I kept adding small bits to this at a time. But it's done now. Guess we'll see how you guys like it :) Hope it was liked! I love and miss you all, so this is a small gift.**

**-Kay**


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